A nineteen year old mommy, to a wonderful baby boy named Judah James. Engaged to the love of my life, his daddy. ❤️
Follow my journey along life, and enjoy the things I reblog. (:
Everyone and I mean everyone keeps saying I’ll miss being pregnant.
Yet, I know I won’t.
I know I’ll love having my baby out here with me allot more than inside my tummy, where I can’t watch him grow.
Everyone’s complaining I won’t take as many pictures. Well, I’m fat. Normally at a good weight (where I’m not eating like shit or partying) I’m a size 6-9. Now I don’t even know what size I am, nor do I want to.
But I do know, watching that scale go up, month by month, then, week by week, is killing me.
I’ve only gained 30 pounds (if that) but after years of hearing, “you’d look so much better if you only lost ten more pounds”, “tighten up your tummy”, “you don’t need that, you’ll get fat again”…. I can’t look past my size right now, being pregnant or not.
I feel gross and pathetic.
I don’t want William looking at me naked. I don’t want to see myself clothed in a full length mirror. I don’t want to see myself period. I don’t want pictures, I don’t want to shop. I don’t cherish the bump.
I know I’m going to continue to feel like that, until I can fit into my regular clothes again.
But I am going to cherish being a mother to a beautiful baby boy. Hearing his giggles, and seeing his smile, watching him grow like a weed.
Even if I can’t loose every pound, or these stretch marks stay and I never want to put on a swim suite again, he will be worth everything.
things i need to do:
- clean my room
- get a college degree
- learn how to have healthy relationships
things i want to do:
- play with puppies and kittens
- find someone cute to cuddle and make out with
- drive to the ocean
things i actually am doing:
- taking subpar selfies
- running a semi successful blog
- listening to sad songs and watching too much netflix